You ready for this cup of coffee? So glad we could meet up at this virtual coffee shop (they should really paint in here).
Before I get started, do I have something in my teeth? My computer screen doesn’t let me know. Rude.
I brought this letter with me. I wrote it to my unmarried self. Things I know now that I didn’t know then.
I thought it would be a good conversation starter.
Here it goes.
Dear Unmarried Lindsay,
You are about to get married! Yay for you! You think you are going to be so good at this, but be ready. Because the Lord is going to use marriage to soften you, change you and show you where you could be a better human being. Don’t be scared. It’s not bad.
I mean, the alternative is you could continue the way you’re going and think you are selfless (when you’re super not) you’re patient (wait until you start poppin’ out kids) and generous (you’re pretty much as stingy as they come with time, money and service). Bubble bursting now.
I know, this sounds like a downer. But here’s what’s really so very good. There is no better partner for you than Jimmy. He IS patient with you and will never ask you to change who you are. He lets you be who are from year to year and just lets the Lord work on you.
Some days aren’t going to be as easy as others. Some days you will want to be selfish and mad. And it’s easier to stay there than it is to be your selfLESS single self. Ha!
Don’t “try” to be the perfect wife.
The perfect cook.
The perfect mom.
Because it’s not going to happen. It’s NOT going to happen. So let me save you some time and lots of burnt food and believe me now.
The only way this works is by letting Christ live in you. What the heck does that mean, you ask? Basically it means inviting him to walk with you, sit with you, and talk with you throughout your day. Ask Him to show you what it means to be a selfless, kind wife. And here’s the part you’re not very good at. LISTEN. Stop your busy little head and listen to Him. Lots of work to be done here still, but you’re learning.
Four years later you’re learning.
God has blessed you with a man that He created for you. I know you believe that now and you still will in four years. God is good. He loves you individually and as a couple. You’re both flawed. But the good news is (and it takes you a while to figure this out) you’re WHOLE in Christ. You don’t have to fill the gaps in each other. That’s not your job.
No need to try to perform as the perfect wife. Let Christ change you. Probably slowly and over time, from the inside. And be thankful Jimmy isn’t trying to rush that process and loves you today.
Oh, and one more thing. You’re going to have dark hair, a lot less muscle, two kids, a really strong gag reflex, a large dog, a blog (it’s an online thing that you’ll mock and then eventually try) and live in Wyoming. So hold onto your britches, girl.
Love,
4 Years Married Lindsay
I wish I could go back to the begining of our marriage and tell myself some things i would start with : “No matter how much you think you are, you are NOT low maintenance! In fact, you, my dear, are just the opposite!”
Hahahaha! Hilarious! Agreed! Me either! That’s too funny. Isn’t it crazy how warped our view was of ourselves before? It’s always hard to self assess though, I think. Thanks for your comment, lady!
This was great! My husband and I (although we’ve been married 3 months) wrote ourselves letter tonight!
‘so who is this girl’s blog who gave you this idea?’ haha…don’t worry about it babe…here’s a pen
Thanks for the great ideas, and the great points you brought up!
Haha! Thank you Amanda! I love that you guys wrote the letters! Your man is going to want you to stop reading this blog! Thanks for sharing you did that!
Thanks for the idea….AND now the journal idea. If you don’t hear from me or a while, it’s because this site may end up mysteriously blocked… Haha. I can’t help that I’m a sappy newlywed who just loves these ideas!!!
Haha! I’m sorry if your man hates me for all this, but one day he might like it too….Of course there is the chance they won’t ever care too much about it but WE will. And I think it will be fun for our kids to be able to read someday too. Ha! Who knows. Thanks for reading and don’t let him block it!
I love 4-years-ago-Lindsay!!! She is so wise and really ministered to me.
Aw thanks Al. She was NOT wise but proof that God can work through dummies. I love you so much. Miss you.